Sacrificing an intern
To prepare you all for Christmas lunch
2024 was a big year for us – this is our 22nd post for a year that also included an in-person trivia night. We’ll continue working up ideas to make our blog better as we head into 2025. Thanks to everyone for reading – it’s always really exciting to hear that people enjoy Currently Speaking.
At the end of 2023, we launched our Currently Speaking Holiday Hotline. The Hotline was designed to handle the baffling, infuriating, and avoidable dribble that comes your way over the holiday period when us energy folk are trying to enjoy some downtime. Naturally, we consider the Holiday Hotline a roaring success. But we need to stick with them times, and would could be more 2024 than bloggers pivoting into generating AI-powered slop!
So this year, to help our readers prepare for the holidays (if you’re not already in them), we dropped one of our interns into an AI hellscape: A Christmas Lunch with various historical characters who’ve been given strong opinions about Australian energy.1
This Christmas lunch is hopefully helpful in preparing you for the potential nightmares that accompany extended family get togethers. Our unnamed intern discussed the election, 2025, Tim Nelson’s review and CER. We hope our intern’s sacrifice is not in vain. Welcome to Christmas lunch.
Scene: Backyard Barbecue in Suburban Australia
A Currently Speaking intern snaps awake in a cold sweat. As his vision slowly clears, he realises he’s at a backyard barbecue. It’s a sunny Christmas afternoon and the table is covered with prawns, salads, and cold drinks. The group gathers under a shade cloth, plates in hand, as casual banter flows before the conversation naturally turns to bigger topics.
Jordan Belfort: (leaning back with a beer, surveying the table) "So, who made this pav? Looks like someone’s trying to outshine the main course."
Young Oppenheimer: (grinning) "It’s great, but honestly, shouldn’t we be more worried about the future of the energy grid than dessert? I mean, has anyone seen the load forecasts for the next decade? We need to get serious about nuclear."
Margaret Thatcher: (raising an eyebrow) "Good grief, do we have to start with that already? Can’t we just enjoy Christmas without diving into another debate about imaginary power plants?"
Lenin: (calmly spreading butter on bread) "Imaginary? That’s rich, coming from someone defending the chaos of private markets. The real solution is state ownership — control everything, plan everything. Then we won’t have to ‘forecast’ because it’ll already be organized properly."
Currently Speaking Intern: (whispering) "Oh god this is worse than I imagined it would be. Why is Jordan Belfort here… guess I’d better start talking”
(To the group) Woah, now this is a motley crew for Christmas lunch! And good call Margie, that was not a particularly tactful foray into politics Young Oppie. Given we’re already on topic, looks like there’s gonna be an election in 2025. Any predictions?"
Jordan Belfort: (grinning and raising his glass) "Predictions? Labor’s the safe bet. They’re already in, and most people don’t like to gamble on change — unless you make them feel like they’re missing out. The Coalition’s nuclear play could work, but only if they sell it as the ‘next big thing’ and not just another government boondoggle."
Young Oppenheimer: (leaning forward) "No way! The Coalition’s nuclear policy is bold and exactly what people are looking for — serious, long-term solutions. If they can explain the benefits properly, they’ll win."
Margaret Thatcher: (shaking her head) "I doubt it. Nuclear won’t win votes when people are worried about their bills today. Labor’s renewables plan isn’t perfect, but it’s familiar — and most voters will stick with what they know."
Lenin: (calmly, folding his arms) "Elections don’t matter. The market will keep chasing profits, and the public will keep paying the price. The only real solution is centralizing energy — ownership, planning, all of it."
Jordan Belfort: (laughing) "Lenin, you’re like a broken record. People don’t want centralization — they want to believe they’re in control. That’s why markets win every time."
Currently Speaking Intern: "I wouldn’t have picked you as someone who’d vote left, Margie."
Margaret Thatcher: (sniffing and setting down her tea) "Don’t get ahead of yourself. I didn’t say I’d vote Labor — I just think they’re the lesser evil. At least they’re not pretending we can build nuclear plants overnight without blowing the budget."
Jordan Belfort: (grinning) "See? Even Margie’s hedging her bets. But let’s be honest—elections aren’t about policies; they’re about confidence. Whoever sells their vision better will win, and right now, Labor’s playing it safe while the Coalition’s pitching the moon."
Young Oppenheimer: (cutting in) "And that’s exactly why the Coalition has a chance! People are sick of half-measures. They want big ideas, and nuclear gives them that. It’s bold, and voters respect boldness."
Lenin: (calmly) "Voters respect stability more than boldness. That’s why centralized planning works—it removes uncertainty. This obsession with elections just distracts from fixing the system."
Currently Speaking Intern: "I guess if anyone should know about hedging bets it’s the Wolf of Wall Street guy. 2024 was a big year for solar and EVs in Australia. Any predictions for the National Electricity Market in 2025?"
Jordan Belfort: (grinning and raising his beer) "Glad to have you on my side, Intern. 2025? It’s gonna be all about storage — big batteries, pumped hydro, maybe even hydrogen if someone can figure out how to make it profitable. Investors are chasing the next gold rush, and renewables are still the hottest ticket."
Young Oppenheimer: (leaning in eagerly) "2025 is the year nuclear finally gets taken seriously. Even if it’s just policy groundwork, it’ll send a signal to investors. Meanwhile, grids are going to struggle with reliability unless we diversify — mark my words."
Margaret Thatcher: (sipping her tea) "I predict more blackouts and higher prices — too much rush, not enough planning. Governments need to stop gambling with people’s livelihoods and stick to what works. Stability is more important than ambition."
Lenin: (shrugging) "Same prediction as always. The market will fail to deliver. Governments will scramble to patch things up with subsidies and band-aid solutions. Centralized ownership is the only way to make the grid resilient."
Jordan Belfort: (laughing) "And there he goes again! Lenin, you’re consistent, I’ll give you that. But hey, chaos creates opportunities — 2025 is gonna be a very interesting year to be in the energy game."
Currently Speaking Intern: “What about this upcoming market review? Tim Nelson has been asked to lead it, what do you think he should recommend?
Jordan Belfort: (grinning) "He should recommend tax breaks for big investors and fast-track approvals for renewables and storage projects. Make it easy for money to flow."
Young Oppenheimer: (leaning in) "He needs to push for nuclear feasibility studies, streamlined licensing, and a national nuclear authority to get the ball rolling."
Margaret Thatcher: (sipping her tea) "Tim should focus on firming up baseload supply — support gas and extend coal plants until something better actually exists."
Lenin: (nodding slowly) "He should recommend nationalizing transmission and generation assets — set tariffs centrally and eliminate profit motives."
Currently Speaking Intern: “Very insightful. And what about you all personally – how do you all imagine you'll be interacting with the energy system in ten years time? Do you plan on getting solar, a household battery or an electric vehicle?”
Jordan Belfort: (leaning back with a grin) "In ten years? I’ll probably own shares in half a dozen energy startups, flipping them for a profit before the tech even works. As for my own setup? No chance — I’ll let someone else deal with the headaches of solar panels and batteries. If the grid works and my bills are low, I’m happy."
Young Oppenheimer: (leaning forward excitedly) "Ten years? We’ll have advanced nuclear powering the grid, so no one will need solar or batteries! But yeah, I’ll probably have a small EV — something sporty, obviously — and I’ll charge it at home with nuclear-powered reliability."
Margaret Thatcher: (raising an eyebrow) "Solar? Batteries? No thank you. I’ll stick to what’s reliable and affordable. If the grid’s still standing in ten years, I’ll be using it like I always have. As for an electric car — only if it proves itself cheaper and more practical than petrol, which I highly doubt."
Lenin: (folding his arms thoughtfully) "In ten years, I expect to see public ownership of energy infrastructure. Homes won’t need individual batteries because the grid will be designed for collective efficiency. Cars will be electric — public transport even better — but it’ll all be managed centrally to avoid waste and inequality."
Currently Speaking Intern: "Well, I’ve survived my allotted time. In closing, could you each tell me why, in your own words, the Currently Speaking substack is one of your favourite reads on the Australian energy landscape?"
Jordan Belfort: (grinning) "Favourite read? Please. That blog’s like a bad investment prospectus — full of charts, jargon, and no clear direction. I need confidence — not another armchair analyst."
Young Oppenheimer: (rolling his eyes) "Favourite? Hardly. It’s completely biased against nuclear! I don’t need another blog telling me why ‘we’re not ready’ — I need one that actually pushes big ideas forward."
Margaret Thatcher: (sipping her tea) "It’s exactly what’s wrong with modern energy commentary — too many opinions, not enough focus on costs and reliability. Idealism doesn’t keep the lights on."
Lenin: (calmly) "Favourite? It’s a capitalist echo chamber. I read it sometimes — not for insight, but to remind myself what’s wrong with the system."
If you feel bad for our interns, please don’t. It’s great work experience and “character building”.
I tried to read this in each characters accents and by the end they all had Borat voices
What a crack you boys are completely bonkers! I love it, keep it rolling in 2025!