Solving the energy crisis with 1990/2000s kids movies
To infinity and beyond.
The need to transition to clean energy sources has drudged up a range of ideas. An underappreciated, renewable energy source that’s flown under the radar is Hollywood script writers.
This week on Currently Speaking, we’re trawling our way through films in the nineties and noughties, looking for the best solutions to the energy transition. This is a deeply serious post and should be read as such.
First, some ground rules:
No movies where characters can intentionally use magic.
No infinite wish machines, where wishes can just be used to create energy from thin air or make the impossible happen.1
Nothing from the distant future, where they’ve already made it past 2050 without destroying the planet.
No superhero movies.
With that out of the way, we can run through our top four, buckle up!
4. Like Mike (2002)
Synopsis
Calvin Cambridge (played by Lil Bow Wow) finds a pair of Michael Jordan’s old sneakers. After a bully throws them over some power lines, Calvin collects them just as they are struck with lightning. This imbues the shoes with the power of Michael Jordan, giving Calvin enhanced abilities on the basketball court. He then proceeds to play some pretty good basketball.
Energy potential
The potential available is evident when ~ 5ft Calvin, in a one-on-one contest with an NBA player, is able to throw the ball on the backboard and hit a slam dunk from the free throw line. From earlier scenes, we know Calvin does not have these abilities prior to donning the shoes. He also does not appear to be exceptionally tired after games, ruling out any theories that the shoes harvest energy from Calvin.2
Our idea
The low IQ solution would be to try using Calvin’s shoes and see if we can tap into their power for some sort of electricity generation. However, the process of charging sneakers in Like Mike has far greater implications.
The movie suggests that shoes hung from powerlines and struck with lightening as they’re being recovered are given the power/abilities of their former owners. If we can get shoes off the world’s best powerlifters, hang them over powerlines and get people to go and collect them in a thunderstorm, we could create thousands of pairs of shoes imbued with the power of their former owners.
The challenge then becomes converting these charged shoes into electricity. With a continual supply of these shoes, we could adapt some power stations to have turbines powered by these sneakers. Maybe the best we’ll be able to achieve is increasing the number of people cycling to work wearing Lance Armstrong’s old cleats…
Why it ranks fourth
Unfortunately, Like Mike is low on our list because there are just too many dimensions that the movie fails to flesh out. The director and writing team behind Like Mike thoroughly underexplore the realm of possibilities Calvin discovers. A pair of grungy old sneakers give a kid who’s approximately 12 years old the vertical leap of professional basketballer! Frankly, it’s disappointing that the movie didn’t pivot into an X-Files style sci-fi, where Calvin must use the power of MJ to dunk on the government scientists trying to tranquillise him and use him for experiments in Area 51.
Anyway, Like Mike places poorly because we don’t know:
If the power of the shoes is strictly limited to Michael Jordan, the shoes he wore as a player, or even if it’s only one pair at a time? The sequel, Like Mike 2: Streetball, doesn’t expand the concept of super-powered shoes beyond Michael Jordan. This would create a supply bottle neck of super-powered shoes and give MJ monopolistic power over the scheme.
Whether the shoes work when others use them? In the Like Mike universe, no one else wears the shoes. Does this mean only the kids who pull them down can access the power? And do those kids have to have basketball ambitions?
How much of the shoe’s power we can even use? The shoes give Calvin agility, finesse and sharpshooting — not a lot we can do with that.
All in all, not ideal. Especially when compared with the higher ranking options.
3. Toy Story (1995 - 2019)
Synopsis
In the Toy Story movies, it turns out children's toys are secretly sentient. The toys have human level intelligence, and use this intelligence to go on all sorts of adventures. They also appear to be bound by a code - the toys do not reveal their sentience to humans - with some exceptions.3
Energy potential
Toy Story presents a bit of a conundrum. Toys that appear inanimate are not only able to move, but they are also strong and fast. This creates fantastic opportunities, but we don’t know where this energy is coming from.
Some toys like Buzz Lightyear have batteries. Other toys, like the RC Car chasing the truck in the first movie, have also shown that they can run out of battery power.
However, most of the toys do not have batteries. They toys also never appear to be concerned about “running out” of energy. This suggests the toys have some means of harvesting energy but we can only guess at the mechanism. Nonetheless, their apparent ability to power themselves from thin air obviously creates an opportunity.
Our idea
Out of the box, toys seem to have an inherent understanding of their ‘purpose’. For example, we see Buzz Lightyear coming to life believing he is actually a space ranger on a distant planet. In another, more tragic example, Toy Story 4 character Forky is created with the knowledge that he is “trash”. The purpose these toys are assuming does not need to define them. As the toys socialise with each other, their self-awareness grows. While they start life closest to what they’re designed for, over time, in the right environment, they can adapt.
Forky also gives us another interesting insight. At the start of his character ark, he thinks that because he is a disposable spork, he should be thrown out, not played with. But, his creator, Bonnie made him a “toy” and this is apparently all that’s needed to bring Forky to life. This suggests that, in the right conditions, children somehow have the ability to anthropomorphise inanimate objects into being alive.
This leads us to our idea: by harnessing the godlike powers of children and the fact these toys can be given a purpose, a series of toy vehicles would be created (with children on the design team). These toy vehicles would have a specific, singular purpose — find the nearest hamster wheel, jump in and drive. These toys will be created en masse, stored in a warehouse and as they come to life, will proceed to a series of electromagnetically coupled hamster wheels. Hello free energy.
Why it ranks third
Climate change is an existential issue for the human race — is the solution creating another one? While the energy potential here is great, we are talking about effectively enslaving another race. Based on the pantheon of Stories about Toys, it seems likely that these toy trucks will develop likeable, relatable personalities. Worse, these plucky toys might band together and engineer an escape. If an escape was successful, or the truth about our toy-truck-version of the Matrix was revealed, we risk antagonising the rest of the toys on earth, overriding their sacred code and causing them to inflict revenge on the human race, sparing only Andy. Pretty frightening stuff.
2. Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Synopsis
In a parallel universe, “monsters” working at a factory called Monsters Incorporated (in a city called Monstropolis) harness the screams of children for energy. Using doors as portals into the bedrooms of children in our universe, monsters sneak in at night and scare kids, producing screams which in turn power Monstropolis.
Over the course of the movie, concerns about Monsters Inc. producing insufficient energy leads to some monsters trying to strap kids to scream extractors.4 However, by the end of the movie, the monsters realise that laughter is 10 times more powerful than screams, alleviating their energy concerns.
The energy potential
Part of the reason this idea ranks so highly is that the monsters have got some incredible tech that do a lot of the hard work for us. Monstropolis is powered purely by scream-based energy. Instead of using electrical cabling to move electricity around, most of the infrastructure seems set up to run on piped screams. For example, we can see that the light switches in their apartments appear to have dials to release scream-based energy.
It’s hard to get a clear indication of how effectively the monsters are able to generate this energy. We don’t have a conversion between screams and kWh. We do get some insight into the scale of the power available though. When a child escapes into Monstropolis (spoiler, sorry), their screaming causes power surges in the apartment, flickering lights etc. When the child laughs, it overwhelms the building’s circuits, blowing the main circuit breaker and breaking lightbulbs.
What’s also clear is their technology is incredibly efficient at collecting energy. A scream or laugh is, at least to humans, an incredibly small amount of energy. However, these monsters have somehow developed the ability to harness more energy than exists in the sound waves themselves.
We’re just speculating, but the monsters may have developed a ‘heat pump’ like technology. Heat pumps work by moving energy (typically moving heat into a house, or out of a house). For every unit of energy you put into a heat pump, it might move five units of energy — an incredibly efficient machine. In Monstropolis, the monsters may have configured machines that are able to use screams or laughs to move energy into scream canisters, stored in some form of pressurised gas.
Without fully understanding the technology, the potential is obvious. With their technology, we would be able to reconfigure our power system to be run entirely on screams and laughs.
Our idea
By the end Monsters, Inc., the monsters have decided to cease scaring and instead are performing stand-up comedy to try and make children laugh. This is to our advantage, as the monsters travelling through interdimensional doorways are no longer the most dangerous or powerful.
We would arrange for a series of strike teams to be set up. These teams would monitor for the appearance of monsters and as these monsters start their routine, quickly move in to tranquilise the monster, and establish a beachhead on the other side of the door.
As the military pours through this portal, they would be followed by engineers and scientists tasked with collecting as much technology as possible and pushing it through the open doors in the Monsters Incorporated Factory.
With enough of the monsters technology, we should be able to reverse engineer it and put it into practice on earth. If it really is as effective as we think, it would quickly replace all of the traditional energy infrastructure we have. A fully decentralised, ubiquitous energy source that has zero emissions.
Of course, we need to power it. And we know laughs are more effective than screams. Fortunately, we should be able to capture enough energy by showing children Matt Canavan’s twitter. If his forehead doesn’t make them scream, they should laugh at his coal miner cosplay.
Why it ranks second
Starting an interdimensional war is pretty risky.
Of course, we could have taken a more diplomatic tact. It’s not quite clear how this would be received. The monsters seem to be initially terrified of any skin on skin contact with humans, believing us to be toxic. But, by the end of the movie, this is no longer a concern of theirs. The monsters also seem to be dependent on human children to power their cities, which might increase their willingness to trade.
Our concern is the breadth of the monsters capabilities. We see in the movie that Randall and the owner of Monsters Incorporation are willing to change tact. They were planning to stop using portal doors, and instead use scream extractors. This appears to no longer be needed when they harness the power of laughs, effectively increasing the nameplate capacity of their generation by tenfold. But let’s be real, are monsters really going to be effective at getting kids to laugh by appearing in bedrooms with microphones??
No, the monsters are going to revert to scream power. And in time, the scream extractor will be back on the agenda.
They are able to fashion portals into the bedrooms of children. It's not clear where they get these portals from and whether they are able to fashion more of them5. If they are able to fashion these portals, would any of us be truly safe again?
Maybe it would be better to leave the monsters alone and just tell our kids to humour their attempts at stand up…
1. Flubber (1997)
Synopsis
Professor Phillip Brainard is trying to develop a new energy source. He successfully creates a green goo substance which he calls “Flubber”. The movie focuses on Brainard’s attempts to repair his relationship with his estranged fiancé and save his college from bankruptcy. Which he does. Of course.
The energy potential
This one is a little easy. The Professor has created a substance that defies our understanding of physics. The Flubber speeds up when bouncing. Without somehow creating energy each time it bounces, this directly contravenes the law of energy conservation.
To make sense of what we’re seeing, we’re hypothesizing that Flubber is a form of self contained, controlled nuclear fusion. Flubber’s mass is able to undergo a highly controlled form of fusion which is used to power its movement. This would mean that, over time, Flubber would be using up it’s energy potential but extremely slowly. The fact Flubber can stop and start at will with ease is also an incredible property.
Flubber also has some incredible applications. It can make a car fly, it can be sprayed onto basketball shoes to give them Like Mike levels of airtime, it can… dance?
We should mention that Flubber is sentient. It also seems hyper-intelligent. Within a few minutes of being born, and with very little exposure to human culture, it demonstrates an extreme level of awareness. Brainard confirms that Flubber is:
Highly viscous, yet it can phase shift
Mouldable
Ticklish
Foldable
Gullible
Ductile
Elastic
Suffice it to say, Flubber’s creation revolutionising everything and will be looked at as the beginning or the end of humanity.
Our idea
Having observed the intelligence of Flubber (it learns at a phenomenal rate, meaning it’s likely to exceed our scientific knowledge in a short period of time), we think the most realistic solution is to install Flubber as our leader. With Flubber in command, it can set up industrial processes to duplicate itself and expand the energy available to humans. Almost overnight, Flubber could power all of our transport, and it would only take a short while for it to replace all electricity generation as well. Before long, Flubber powered flight would take us to the stars.
The ONLY challenge here is getting the Flubber to trust us. If Flubber ever goes rogue, there’s likely no stopping it. Therefore, we would need to dedicate huge amounts of resources to placating it. It seems to enjoy Mambo (we see it duplicating itself multiple times over to recreate and choreograph dance scenes).
We propose a global dancing with the stars competition, exclusively catering to Flubber and whatever it likes. Hopefully, this should satisfy Flubber long enough to support our energy ambitions. Or at least get us to 2050.
Why it tops our list
Flubber ranks number one amongst all the movies we reviewed. Flubber is an astronomically powerful resource, and we don’t need to start a war with monsters, enslave toys or wear old sneakers to access its potential.
We only need to travel to somewhere in US, get the technology from the kooky professor, set up a dance show and away we go. To show our dedication to the idea, the Currently Speaking editorial team is volunteering a Macarena/Nutbush city limits dance routine that should keep the Flubber entertained for its first 15 minutes in charge.
The end!
That’s it for the official ranking of energy solutions to the climate crisis hidden in 1990s/2000s kids movies. Did we miss something? Please let us know in the comments and we can let you know why you’re wrong.
Things Happen
NSW Labor and leader Chris Minns have romped home in the NSW Election. This means all mainland state governments are Labor. Labor are promising a Net Zero Commission and NSW Energy Security Corporation in their package to push forward NSW’s emissions reduction and renewable energy ambitions.
More trouble has beset the coal-fired Callide C plant in Queensland, which literally exploded nearly two years ago and has suffered repeated delays to its expected return to service; with the 50/50 co-owner going into voluntary administration. It seems likely that the Queensland Government will take advantage of a firesale and buy out it’s co-owner’s share.
The AGL-owned coal-fired Liddell station in New South Wales is fast approaching its closure date in April, leaving some jitters in the market. Liddell will be the first coal station to close since Hazelwood in 2017, and is another key milestone and test of the energy transition and the market.
The folks pushing hydrogen for in-home heating clearly don’t abide by this one…
Of course, we do not know this is the case. It’s possible that with prolonged use, the shoes would lead to Calvin wasting away, with the energy in his muscles being consumed to feed the power of the shoes.
Exactly why they do not talk directly to most humans is subject to debate. Some theories suggest that toys in the Toy Story universe from the Dark Ages were considered demons and tortured, leading to future generations of toys strictly hiding their sentience.
Resource adequacy concerns really are universal.
Early in the movie, a factory director laments the fact that they have had to dispose of multiple portals leading to kids not easily scared.
Another great read from Declan! I thoroughly enjoyed the "Energy Potential" segment, Brovo!
I had a tie between Flubber and Toy Story.
Given that the toy trucks may develop likeable, relatable personalities, band together and engineer an escape, we could modify their neural schema to get them to operate according to Human's scheme. A bit of a self-serving idea, but hey, currently, we are in a fantasy land.
P.s. have we forgotten to include "everything everywhere all at once"? Maybe in the next addition:)