Currently Speaking solves the fuel crisis
Thinking outside the box to address fuel shortfalls
There is a crisis in fuel right now. In case you’ve missed it,1 the Iran War has led to a blocking of the Strait of Hormuz, preventing oil tankers getting through. This has sent shockwaves through global oil markets and lead to spiking petrol and diesel prices.
There are plenty of opinions out there about how to resolve the crisis. At Currently Speaking, we are providing our annual public good (singular) and using our four (combined) braincells to propose some solutions. Buckle up!
Option 1: Gina’s jets
Pauline Hanson hasn’t been just riding the waves of the disappearing Liberal party, she’s also been riding free on Gina Rinehart’s corporate jets. Hanson “forgot” to declare the flights and when questioned, she pushed back by arguing that it “didn’t cost the taxpayer a cent to fly on the plane.”
Well guess what? There is such a thing as a free lunch, and it’s the sausage rolls being served on Gina’s corporate jets. Of course, Gina wasn’t trying to buy influence, she was just helping Aussie Battler Pauline get around the country.
Now we’re in the midst of a crisis, let’s extend those generous flights that don't cost taxpayers a cent as far as possible. Instead of just a select group of politicians, let’s help out the broader public service sector! Instead of commuting to work,2 let’s get a series of Rinehart-funded commuter planes to ferry them to and fro! You could even land them on top of Parliament House.3
Option 2: Double down on our Hydrogen Homies
A couple of years ago, Australian Gas Infrastructure Group (AGIG) a.k.a., the Hydrogen Homies, were setting some ambitious targets for replacing household natural gas with hydrogen. They opened a flagship Hydrogen Home to demonstrate just how easy it is. I haven’t checked in on them, but given the promises being made at the time, I think it’s safe to assume that it’s going well and they are ahead of schedule in affordably decarbonising the natural gas networks!
So, cometh the hour, cometh the Australian Gas Networks. They must be producing so much cheap, green hydrogen that they could set up a bunch of refuelling stations for our hydrogen fuel cell cars! It’s not too late to scrap the EVs that have been purchased and replace those induction cooktops with a hydrogen stove.
We can all cuddle up on the couch, watch some MasterChef and wait for this all to blow over.
Option 3: Our other natural resource
Australia is known for it’s abundant natural resources. We’re flush with iron ore, gas, sunshine, wind, coal and uranium. People working in the energy industry also know we have an abundance of long, printed reports. The government should put out a call to arms – everyone working in the energy industry should be required to submit three reports they guiltily printed. By my estimate, this should collect about 90,000 reports. At an average length of 600 pages, this gets us 5.4m pages, which can be converted to oil through pyrolysis.
This also makes Fuel Supply Taskforce leader Anthea Harris the perfect appointee, having overseen some of the countries most productive report-producing mines: the Australian Energy Regulator and the Energy Security Board.
Unfortunately, this would only yield about 120 tonnes of oil, about 0.0006% of a single day's consumption… so maybe not the best option, unless we can expand the pool of paper. We could start by collecting those flyers handed out at All Energy?
Option 4: Run it strait
Last year, the Run It Straight craze caught headlines. In this new sport derived from Rugbee Leeg, “participants face off one-on-one in a tight 20-by-4-metre arena, taking turns charging or tackling at full speed.”
The sport is obviously controversial. It is brutal and frequently ends in concussion and serious injuries. Many Rugby players decry it for the risks it puts on the participants, often young men.
But… is it also the perfect training ground for the next cohort of fearless oil tanker captains? Instead of charging head first into an opponent, tuck the ball under their arm and barrel4 through a warzone and sea mines.
Sure this doesn’t solve the insurance challenges. But we believe the additional costs of running uninsured oil tankers through a warzone could be offset by a thriving betting market speculating on who’ll make it!
Option 5: Riding the AI data centre hype wave
The only thing hotter than Artificial Intelligence and the massive hyperscale data centres being built to train the models are the increasingly hyperbolic claims of what this technology will achieve. Structural reorganisation of the economy! Double digit losses across white collar jobs! Endless productivity gains! Curing cancer! Universal Basic Income! One entire petawatthour!
The claims of what AI could do now far exceed those made by the most devout web 3.0 and crypto frothers circa 5 years ago, or even the carbon nanotubers from a decade earlier (remember them?)
Only a little bit more fanciful, let's ask ChatGPT how we can convert these hype cycles into energy. These AI chatbots are pushing the limits of theoretical physics afterall.
(Let’s all agree to ignore the looming circular mess created by starting a war in a region critical to the supply chain and investment in data centres, or the self-immolation of TSMC under an emboldened Winnie the Pooh).
Option 6: The lame option
If all else fails, we could look at supporting our energy sovereignty through a combination of transport electrification and renewable energy, and maybe even just starting less wars.
But only if nothing else works.
If you have, you must be one of those smug EV drivers / public transport zealots…
Of course, corporate jet fuel is caught up in the crisis. But I’m assuming Gina’s better placed to afford it than the average Aussie.
Barrel, geddit? Oil barrel?
Gold, top to bottom. You could slightly bolster Option 3 by chucking in the consultant reports, pamphlets and sheer human arm-waving energy that was about to be expended on the “lets go backwards” perspective in the upcoming New Vehicle Efficiency Standard review. Pretty stony ground for that view now! Got to be a barrel or so derivable from the reports!